Oh no!

Oh no! Look what you’ve done~!

Fragile Life

Two years ago, I lost a childhood friend. Someone with whom I spent most of my time with when we’re in primary school. All my childhood games has him in picture. Bottle caps, panjang galah, guli pitek, guli, micro genius, cards and etc. We used to roam around the neighbourhood in the evening on our bicycle. We also hang around his dad’s shop, stealing things from a nearby sundry shops.

Two years ago, he passed away in a rather unfortunate car accident. It was his 26th birthday yesterday(2 August)…

Talking to my cousin today on my way home, she told me that one of our friend’s dad just passed away two weeks ago. This came as a shock, as the father was very health all these while. My mum confirmed the news when I spoke to her over the phone. He was coughing non-stop, and after a medical check up, found out that he has cancer in his stomach.

It was only recently, and guess when it was detected, it’s already at the late stage.

This brought me back to the memories when my grandaunt passed away, and when my granduncle passed away too. How the words of the Buddha sound so true. Life is impermanent.

I remember way back then, at the funeral, I was thinking when someone dies, whatever you have achieved in your life time does not matter anymore, because you cannot bring it with you after you died.

It often left me wondering what life is all about…

Sampras vs Federer in Malaysia

Two of the all time best tennis player ever will play in an exhibition match in Malaysia, prior to the US$150,000 Malaysian Open tennis tournament. Well, forget about the tournament. I bet the exhibition match is the main pull.

Pistol Pete vs Courier Service Company

Mark your calendar! I’ve blocked mine, and if anyone has any info on getting the tickets to the match, do let me know!!

Date: 22 November 2007

Venue: Stadium Malawati, Shah Alam

I know it’s still long way to go, but I believe all the tennis maddies out there have been waiting this for as long as anyone can think of!

*This was reported in The Star back in May 2007.

Corporate Lesson – Always Save Your Own Ass

My colleagues has mentioned this many times to me, but I pay little attention. Perhaps my lackadaisical attitude plays a part. Though it’s rather indirect, but I’ve learned my lesson, a very important corporate lessonv- anything you do, save your own ass first!

The best way to save your own ass is to close down all the possibilities where you will be shot or taken advantage of. Friendship? Well, it definitely not applicable to workplace. Workplace is like a battlefield, a place where you practice tai chi not to improve your health, but to put blame on people.

How I wish that I can sit in a meeting where all issues are finalised, and then you don’t have to do anything, until someone follows up with you. Then what is the purpose of meeting?

My biggest mistakes are conducting discussion without a proper black and white records. This is something that freshies will never understand.

Everyone looks forward to the working world after graduation. Everyone in your company looks like the closest friends you’ll ever get. You even meet your college mates lesser and lesser. You’ll never understand why certain people are such a prick. You have not met them before in your life, and when you meet them at your workplace for the first time, it’s like you’ve owe them something from the past life and they make your life difficult.

Well, it takes time and experience to change into that kind of mindset, which I think I’m turning into. I’m never one to backstab or make enemies without purpose. Hey, serious, I treat some of my colleagues like good friends, but you’ll never know when you’ll be stabbed to save their ass! Though I was indirectly stabbed, it left a rather bad taste in my mouth.

Welcome to the real world…

High Time to Rock & Roll?

I have so many things weighing on my mind that I do not know what to write or how to write. I felt so dissapointed with myself. Beneath my laid back and always-seems-to-be-happy demeanor lies a short-fused, impatient little boy. I do not feel like a 26-year-old. I felt I’m so much younger, immature and irresponsible.

A quick but thorough review of myself revealed an underachieving boy whom has performed way below expectations. An obvious component of an adult seems to be missing. The sense of responsibility. If you ask me, why a person is successful, I will tell you the answer – it’s the sense of responsibility.

I believe that the sense of responsibility is the main core criteria to a lot of successful things, be it a person, an event, a company, a project or etc. It does not matter if you are not that clever, because the sense of responsibility will drive you towards finding the best solution to the problems that you are facing. When you have that sense of responsibility, unknowingly you are taking ownership of whatever you are responsible for and you will not give up until you have find the solution. 

Imagine what you will be able to achieve by having the sense of responsibility. In your work – when given a task, you will get it done immediately. In your family – you work hard to earn more so that you can provide a better life to your family. In your personal life – you are responsible for yourself, and you will only give the best to yourself. You know that your future is in your own hand. And what you are now is not what you are. It is what you were!

It is true because I used to take thing easy with little sense of urgency. Unless, of course it is very important. My lackadaisical behaviour has made me what I am today. I am not that irresponsible, just laid back. Very laid back. But something more serious seems to be holding me back.

A further review of myself unveiled an even greater cause. FEAR. I think I think too much. Yes, I think a lot. I think of all possibilities and I think from all angles. It is good to think from different angles and perspectives, but sometimes thinking too much will lead to hesitation. Procrastination has been one of my unwanted closest friend no thanks to my fear of fear.

Sometimes at work, I fear meeting with the directors or some managers. Well, who’s to blame? These peeps can blow anytime they like on whatever things they don’t like, right or wrong. And most of the time, they expect spectacular results with minimal investments and sacrifications. They want prestige, but refuse to take a lesser profit margin. In the end, the quality is compromised.

The management often failed to look at the smaller pictures. Tiny winy things that will make a big difference. Bak kata pepatah Melayu, kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. Trust me, a bad apples in your department can cause havoc. Just ask me!

However, my greatest fear is not at work. It’s my life. I want to follow what Que Sera’s mom says – Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. How easy it is to just listen to Mother Mary and let it be. But who is not afraid of what cannot be seen? (And I don’t mean ghost!)

I like changes. Changes that leads to improvement. I fear changes. I do not know what is awaiting me ahead. I believe a lot of people are being held back by the fear of uncertainty. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing. But what is there for me to lose?

I always bears in my mind what Mark Twain once said. Twenty years from now, you will be more dissapointed at things you didn’t do than the ones you did. I do not have to wait 20 years. I had already experienced it when I was younger. Certain things that I was afraid to do, I just don’t do it. But looking back, I’m really glad that I was forced to do certain things that I don’t like to.

How many of you have written a love letter to your parents? Telling them how much you loved them, and you are sorry for all the wrongs you have done? I did! It was one of the activities in a camp in which even the organisers are forced to do it! Damnit. But I’m glad I wrote that letter and it was sent back home before the camp ended. I was also afraid to speak to the girl who has caught my attention. But I’m just glad that I took the plunge that make the first move. We’re friends even till now.

There are more circumstances where I decided to just take the plunge without ever bother to think. There are also a lot of times where I regretted for not taking the gamble. Things that I had in mind, but failed to turn into words or actions.  

Tracie is right about me being in the comfort zone. Feeling safe with where I am now. Perhaps it’s high time to rock and roll. Besides, what is there to lose? Westlife sings that you can’t lose what you never had.

Out of the Blue

Is it true that if you keep on chasing something, that something will eludes you?

And when you not bother, that something will rolls itself to you?

It’s like that something will appear at an unexpected time. Like totally out of the blue.

Rat Race

Reading the May-June 2007 issue of Outreach reminds me of something that I asked myself quite some time ago. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do here? What is living?

The second paragraph of the cover page article “Living Simply” goes like this…

Living simply frees up time and energy. Consider how much do you need to buy just to have the job you have. Let’s say you work in an office – you need to have certain clothes, drive a particular car and see the movies with your colleagues. All these things cost money. So you work hard to get the things you need to maintain your job. Quite a vicious circle. But the mental state involved with simplicity lacks the neurotic caring about what others think of us.

There is this book “Many Masters Many Lives” that provides an insight into why we are here. It was written by an American psychiatrist where one of his patients has the ability to recall her past lives when she was under hypnotization. His explaination bears a resemblance to Buddhism where we are born into this world to right the wrong that we have done in the past. In Buddhism, we are bound by our own actions, according to the Law of Karma.

What caught my attention in the above paragraph is the vicious cycle that was mentioned. It is something that I have in my mind and I was thinking if there is any other way besides the cycle?

You see, what is the main reason we go to work? To earn money. But where did a big chunk of the money goes? Car instalment. Petrol. Parking. Toll. Food. Clothes. And where are these things mostly used for? At work. In fact, I think if we are only taking home enough to pay for all these, with a small savings, I think we are doing a really dumb work. I have nothing against working, just that I felt sometimes the employees are being taken advantage of.

You work like a dog, sometimes until late. The company performance improves. The company makes more money every year. Your bosses keep on upgrading his cars. You see luxurius cars in the car park that probably you will need three generations to finish paying and you are still driving that crap that you still have a hard time paying the monthly instalment. But of course the bosses has higher liabities and risk. If anything bad happens to the company, they might be left with nothing. Well, it’s give and take I guess.

Anyway, I wouldn’t want to stay in the rat race for too long though.

*Outreach is a bi-monthly newsletter of the Buddhist Gem Fellowship.

Losing Small Fortune As Replacement for Disaster

When someone starts to blog again after ceasing for a period of time, they will usually starts with sentences like, “I’ve not blog for xxx days because I’m lazy and xxx.” Well, I think I’m just gonna stick with the common. I’ve not been updating my blog for a while now. Partly due to laziness, mostly due to not knowing what and how to write.

Anyway, I feel rather lethargic spiritually today. With no mood to do anything, except being idle. I have to admit it today that I wasted a big chunk of my time at office. (No one from my office read blogs. I mean, I don’t think they even know what a blog is.) What was I doing? Not gonna tell. I did work, just that it takes longer for me to get my work done than usual.

I don’t know why, perhaps it’s the trip to Gohtong Jaya over the weekend. I kinda miss Genting Highlands having used been up there so often for work. I couldn’t remember my last trip there, probably half a year ago? Gohtong Jaya is not even half way up to Genting, but the weather there is cool enough and looking out of the window from our 7th floor apartment, the breeze relaxes my mind, and the green scenery soothes my eyes. I think it’s a break that I have needed all the while. Can you believe it I had a really good night sleep on the cold-hard-carpeted floor?

Looking back at last week, I met with an accident on the way to work! Damn. It was Thursday morning, and probably my mind was not working properly after watching the match between AS Roma and Man Utd. There was a small truck moving really slow with about 6 or 7 cars following behind it. I was no doubt one of the cars.

When we’re moving uphill, I saw the van two cars in front of me turn right into another road, and I though, what the heck, I can’t stand it at this pace. So, I decided to follow the van and make a right turn. I checked the side mirror and it’s clear. I turn the steering and as my car was turning right really slow, out of a sudden, a motorbike appear. He seems to notice that I was trying to turn, and I guess perhaps he wanted to get past me first before letting me turn, he sped up his motorbike.

Initially, I hesitated, but decided to go ahead and turn. And the rest they say is history. That sonofabitch crashed his motorbike into the side of my car and skidded at the junction. Luckily he was alright, except with spots of abrasions on his arms, palms and sholders. I think it’s my fault because I hesitated.

What ridiculous is when he asked for RM500 as compensation. In my mind, I was like, “WTF?” (My jaw nearly touches the ground). I told him it wouldn’t even cost that much if the damage is on my car. Then he lowers it to RM200. And then, some contruction workers working at one of the houses there suggested to bring the motorbike to the workshop and I shall pay for it. I think it’s fair. By the way, the motorcyclist is an Indonesian construction worker. And I believe the damaged on his motorbike will cost him a bomb.

It’s a bomb to me too, but first and foremost, it’s my fault for hesitating while turning. In fact, a guy in a Mercedes stopped and commented in a high tone. He came down from his car for a while to make sure everything is alright and left. Then, a grandma who were outside of her house when the accident happened came over. She said she met with the same accident before. Just repair the motorbike for him and take him to the clinic will do.

The bills?

Motorbike repair – RM230

Medical – RM40 (Receipt on my name. Can claim. Hehe…)

Kenari side mirror – RM120

What a day that was! Looking on the bright side, the chinese has a saying that says “lose small fortune as a replacement for big disaster.” It better is. Haha…

The Generation Next Has Arrived

At 3 am something this morning, the first of the Generation Next cried out to the world, when everyone is fast asleep, except the expectants.

Planet Shaking Experience

It was around 2:15 pm and we are all having a meeting on the 4th floor. It’s actually the fifth level, including the mezzanine floor. I suddenly felt unstable as if I was on a boat. Initially, I thought it was me who is dizzy, but I’m feeling alright. The swaying continued for about 15 seconds and stopped.

I just keep quiet about it because I wasn’t sure what has happened, until my manager ask if we felt the building is swaying. Then everyone was like, “Yeah, it’s moving!!!” Haha… It’s just a very slight swaying, like when you are feeling dizzy. I didn’t really freak out when I realised the tremor as it was just a very mild.

Right away it hit my mind that earthquake must have happened somewhere in Indonesia. So, right after the meeting, I immediately check for news on CNN. I’m totally impressed with CNN. The news was already up, with pictures.

According to CNN, the first earthquake happened at 11:00 am++. One of my colleague felt it then. Being naive, she thought she was feeling unwell and little dizzy. So she went back to her place and rested for a while. Lol… Then when I told her about the earthquake and the aftershock that she realised it was the earthquake. Haha…

This is my first planet shaking (not planet shaker-lah!) experience, and it’s neither nice nor bad. It’s can be quite scary as I’m on the 4th floor when it happens, and just imagine if it’s a real quake. It’s nice in the sense that at least we know how it’s like when the earth is shaking.

We’re so lucky to be just outside the Pacific Ring of Fire.

My heart and my prayers goes to all the victims of this earthquake.