High Time to Rock & Roll?

I have so many things weighing on my mind that I do not know what to write or how to write. I felt so dissapointed with myself. Beneath my laid back and always-seems-to-be-happy demeanor lies a short-fused, impatient little boy. I do not feel like a 26-year-old. I felt I’m so much younger, immature and irresponsible.

A quick but thorough review of myself revealed an underachieving boy whom has performed way below expectations. An obvious component of an adult seems to be missing. The sense of responsibility. If you ask me, why a person is successful, I will tell you the answer – it’s the sense of responsibility.

I believe that the sense of responsibility is the main core criteria to a lot of successful things, be it a person, an event, a company, a project or etc. It does not matter if you are not that clever, because the sense of responsibility will drive you towards finding the best solution to the problems that you are facing. When you have that sense of responsibility, unknowingly you are taking ownership of whatever you are responsible for and you will not give up until you have find the solution. 

Imagine what you will be able to achieve by having the sense of responsibility. In your work – when given a task, you will get it done immediately. In your family – you work hard to earn more so that you can provide a better life to your family. In your personal life – you are responsible for yourself, and you will only give the best to yourself. You know that your future is in your own hand. And what you are now is not what you are. It is what you were!

It is true because I used to take thing easy with little sense of urgency. Unless, of course it is very important. My lackadaisical behaviour has made me what I am today. I am not that irresponsible, just laid back. Very laid back. But something more serious seems to be holding me back.

A further review of myself unveiled an even greater cause. FEAR. I think I think too much. Yes, I think a lot. I think of all possibilities and I think from all angles. It is good to think from different angles and perspectives, but sometimes thinking too much will lead to hesitation. Procrastination has been one of my unwanted closest friend no thanks to my fear of fear.

Sometimes at work, I fear meeting with the directors or some managers. Well, who’s to blame? These peeps can blow anytime they like on whatever things they don’t like, right or wrong. And most of the time, they expect spectacular results with minimal investments and sacrifications. They want prestige, but refuse to take a lesser profit margin. In the end, the quality is compromised.

The management often failed to look at the smaller pictures. Tiny winy things that will make a big difference. Bak kata pepatah Melayu, kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. Trust me, a bad apples in your department can cause havoc. Just ask me!

However, my greatest fear is not at work. It’s my life. I want to follow what Que Sera’s mom says – Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. How easy it is to just listen to Mother Mary and let it be. But who is not afraid of what cannot be seen? (And I don’t mean ghost!)

I like changes. Changes that leads to improvement. I fear changes. I do not know what is awaiting me ahead. I believe a lot of people are being held back by the fear of uncertainty. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing. But what is there for me to lose?

I always bears in my mind what Mark Twain once said. Twenty years from now, you will be more dissapointed at things you didn’t do than the ones you did. I do not have to wait 20 years. I had already experienced it when I was younger. Certain things that I was afraid to do, I just don’t do it. But looking back, I’m really glad that I was forced to do certain things that I don’t like to.

How many of you have written a love letter to your parents? Telling them how much you loved them, and you are sorry for all the wrongs you have done? I did! It was one of the activities in a camp in which even the organisers are forced to do it! Damnit. But I’m glad I wrote that letter and it was sent back home before the camp ended. I was also afraid to speak to the girl who has caught my attention. But I’m just glad that I took the plunge that make the first move. We’re friends even till now.

There are more circumstances where I decided to just take the plunge without ever bother to think. There are also a lot of times where I regretted for not taking the gamble. Things that I had in mind, but failed to turn into words or actions.  

Tracie is right about me being in the comfort zone. Feeling safe with where I am now. Perhaps it’s high time to rock and roll. Besides, what is there to lose? Westlife sings that you can’t lose what you never had.

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One Response to “High Time to Rock & Roll?”

  1. a reader from sg Says:

    this post really make an impact on me today. i totally agree, “you can’t lose what you never had”. your writing makes me see some lights today. thanks! so much

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